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On July 5, 2001, I lost my Chesapeake Retriever Cross,
“Sally Girl” to bone cancer. This was a devastating loss for me – and
I had lost three beautiful cats also to cancer in the year and a half prior.
Needless to say I did NOT want anymore animals in my life- been there, done that
– I had had up to nine rescued cats in my townhome at once and wanted freedom and
time to grieve for my “Sally Girl”. |
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Five
months went by and I happened to be looking at the Pet Page in the North Shore News for
animals needing homes. I saw this particular big white cat named ‘Handsome’ and
immediately felt a strong draw – but I said to myself – No; no I don’t want
anymore animals. My life is too up in the air and I don’t need this. Three more times
(every two weeks) the Pet Page was there and so was Handsome – each time the
“draw” being even stronger – why THAT cat???
Finally
I had to call and left a message with Animals Advocates, reluctantly expressing my
interest in the big white cat named Handsome. I came home the next day and the message on
my answering machine from Judy Stone of Animals Advocates was “Donna – Handsome
has been waiting for you”.
Handsome's
story is only too familiar to rescuers - he was left behind when his "family"
moved and he survived on the street until a kind soul took him to AAS.
Judy
delivered him to me on New Years Eve, 2001. My bonding and extreme love for him was
immediate. In the days to follow that bond and love grew and grew. This was the cat of all
cats. I had never had a cat quite like him and I was thoroughly, totally in love. He was
such a sweet, sweet, knowing boy and he understood about ‘house’, never once
scratching my furniture and never an accident. I loved him with all my heart and soul and
we would spend many hours ‘talking’ and playing, me reveling in his loud purring
as I combed him. He didn’t want to
go outside and that was just fine with me. He had been abandoned and I saw behavioral
traits from that. For the first month he would hide under my bed when someone came, except
for my son. Later I had my bedroom re-carpeted and I shut him out of harm’s way from
the rest of the house in my living room. I never heard such a wailing and desperation. I
carried him down to the rec room and comforted him. He was fine to stay there while the
carpets were being laid.
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Slowly, he started to come ‘out’ when people came to visit –
finally to the point of ‘flopping’ in front of them as if to say, “I’m
so cute- how can you resist me – I love to be petted”. People were amazed at his
size and personality. I think he finally
began to realize that I was going to keep him – I was not going to abandon him or
give him away. I told him I would love him and keep him as long as life would permit. |
When I first got him I took him to my
veterinarian for a check-up who wanted to give him a ‘round’ of vaccines. I said
no – I don’t know his history. I had also heard and read some negative things
about annual booster vaccines, that in fact they aren’t really needed and may
suppress the immune system.
I
took my Handsome back to the vet on August 14, 2002 for round worm treatment. The vet said
at that time ‘You love him so much, it would be a shame to lose him to something we
could have prevented’. I, in that weak moment relented. So came the onslaught –
rabies included – all together between the shoulder blades. I came home with a
gnawing feeling – why had I done that????
Then - at the end of August, Handsome went off
his food. I took him in for a complete blood work up. The results showed very high white
blood count, he was jaundiced, and indications showed ‘Lympho Blast and Leukemia
– and an egg sized lump between the shoulder blades which the Vet advised was post
vaccible sarcoma. Prognosis very poor with chemotherapy which I could afford and
didn’t want to put him through. I went for a second opinion at the Animal Advocates'
veterinarian – same diagnosis.
How could all this have happened so fast????
I was reading, reading, reading – trying to
find answers. I read a paragraph from the book “WHY IS CANCER KILLING OUR PETS?”
by Deborah Straw. I had bought this book after losing Sally Girl to try to find out why so
many pets die from cancer. One sentence states Dr. Richard Pitcairn's warning ‘giving
a vaccine to an animal with cancer is like pouring gasoline on a fire.’ The next page
warns of one type of vaccine that has, over the past ten years, actually produced
malignant tumours or sarcomas in cats. Deborah Straw’s cat Puck died of this virulent
cancer, which is caused by killed virus leukemia and rabies vaccine that are traditionally
administered between the shoulder blades.
So now – perhaps Handsome may have
had latent cancer and the gasoline was poured on an open flame. I was devastated, my
precious sweet boy – how could I do this to you. I was so angry at myself and the
veterinarian – and at this time of writing, still am somewhat.
I decided I did not want Handsome to go through
Chemotherapy, which Animal Advocates told me never worked anyway and only put the cat
through terrible suffering. I would love him and care for him in a palliative role, one
day at a time – being sure that he did not suffer unreasonably. I even had
homeopathic remedies applied, hoping against hope that a ‘miracle’ would happen.
It just wasn’t fair that I would find this beautiful boy – only to lose him nine
months later.
A day at a time took us to September 28. That
morning he was especially bright. He came out on the patio with a great deal to say. He
seemed especially comfortable that day. In
the latter part of the afternoon we had one of our ‘big combs’which would go on
for half an hour. His ‘purring’ was especially loud and vibrant.
Then
- at about 7 p.m. – something happened. He seemed to get very weak and very
uncomfortable and began deep laboured breathing. Oh no – I knew. I prayed a
prayer I found.
“Dear God – this wonderful boy has
been a gift – such a faithful and honest companion. Enfold him in your embrace and
ease his way home to you – Holy Spirit give my boy your peace and heavenly blessing
– Amen". Goodbye my dear sweet boy – I will love you forever.
I gave him a small tranquilizer to help him which
did seem to. I stayed awake with him till
after 1a.m. I woke at 5 a.m. expecting him to
be gone – but he was still with me – looking straight into my eyes. We stayed
like that until the end came at 6:55 a.m. My beautiful boy was gone. Death is so final. No
matter what one has lost before – it never insulates you for the next loss – it
only gives understanding.
As
I sit and write this today, I wonder how I will live without him.
My daytimer for that day – September 29,
2002 had the motto: -
“We can’t feel sad over the loss of those
we love, without first remembering that the real and true sadness would have been never
having had them in our lives at all.”...For that I am so very grateful.
You can bet I will be extremely pro-active
regarding vaccines. It was too late for my
precious boy – but hopefully my lessons learned will help others become aware.
And
I will be forever grateful to Judy Stone of Animal Advocates who cared for him and then
let me have him.
To My
Handsome,
Love, Mommy
From AAS - Several years ago Donna lived not far from
a large dog that had been chained to a tree for two years. Every day she took it treats
while she was walking Sally and she grieved for the dog. She saw how the dog's
"family" never walked it, petted it, or even acknowledged its existence, even
though it leapt and cried with anticipation every time it saw one of them. Donna has
had far more than her share of personal grief in life, and even though she has been on
thrice-weekly dialysis for years and seems as though a summer breeze could blow her away,
like all people who understand suffering, she could not bear to witness this innocent
dog's grief. The dog was rescued and found a home where it was cherished and never
alone. Women like Donna blow us away....
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