http://www.canada.com/coquitlamnow/news/opinion/story.html?id=9b781874-aa0f-4680-bd2a-8fa7c92b7bd7

No really, don't get him started on hunting

Bob Groeneveld
Coquitlam NOW

Friday, September 28, 2007

Don't get me started on hunters. Even more so than boxing, I consider hunting a foul abomination of the concept of sport.

The whole point of the exercise is to go out into the most beautiful countryside you can find, seek out the most beautiful creatures it is possible to encounter, and with an earth-shattering report created by one of the most environmentally unfriendly substances created by humanity, propel a large blob of lead -- from a safe distance, of course -- into the vitals of a living, breathing being.

And all of that is done with the sole hope of terminating the animal's existence.

I tell you, don't get me started on hunters.

I'd much rather discuss the International Day of Peace.

That was Friday, you know?

You didn't notice?

Hmmm. Perhaps something went wrong.

Maybe the notices weren't posted on the right bulletin boards.

Perhaps somebody should have gone out and personally informed all the people who were too busy shooting at each other to read the press releases.

Still, unlike hunters, at least warriors are out there taking a risk -- their prey at least has an opportunity to shoot back.

Well, sometimes it's sort of fair -- when they're not rounding up women and children, or massacring villages en masse, or dropping bombs from thousands of feet in the air, or spreading mines or planting explosive devices.

Still, it is sometimes sort of fair, provided one side doesn't have such superior technology that it should be able to smash its opponents like ants. Although, it should be noted that, for some reason, the "ants" often display a strong compulsion to avoid being squashed, and they can even get pretty darned good at avoidance techniques.

It's sort of like the way most animals, whether they're bears or deer or cougars or ducks, often try to avoid getting shot.

Oh! Careful there. You don't want to get me started on hunting.

You see, Saturday was an official hunting day in Alberta.

The Alberta government proclaimed Sept. 22 as Provincial Hunting Day to encourage old hunters to teach their kids to also go out and kill things. And to try and give the sport a better image.

Well, in my view, there can't be anything to improve the image of hunting like taking your 12-year-old progeny out into the woods and popping a duck from 300 paces together.

Remember the kid who wanted the Red Ryder BB gun, and kept getting told, "You'll shoot your eye out?"

Much better to give the kid a .303 and let him shoot out a white-tailed deer's eye -- maybe even blow its whole head off.

Just make sure the antlers stay stuck to enough of the skull so you can hang them up nice in the family room, where all your friends can remark on how sporting that young fella of yours has become.

Yup. A chip off the old block.

(I mean the kid, not the chunk of skull. It's a figure of speech.)

Now you see? I went and got started on hunting. I don't like getting started on hunting.

As one hunter pointed out, after all, "It's about connecting with nature."

But if they really want to get connected with nature, why do they use a gun and stand so far away from it when they kill it?

To really get connected with nature, they should kill their prey the natural way -- tear it apart with their teeth.

That I could accept as a natural connection.
© Coquitlam Now 2007