Don Cherry's column of March 16, 1998, when he was a sports columnist for the Province

Headline in the Province recently : 39 Arrested in B.C. Cockfighting Bust.

Police swooped down and rescued birds, the Mounties and the SPCA are the heroes. Brian Nelson is as brave as his namesake Admiral Nelson and is seen in a picture holding a chicken, so proud and brave for rescuing the birds.

Brian: “It’s a very nasty business, it’s a blood sport. In the cockerel world, the winner and tough guy gets to mate with the females.”

We turn the page and there is Brian again holding a spur and he looks so brave and I understand Brian had a conversation with the chicken he’s holding in the picture on the front page. It went like this:

Brian: “Well chicken, myself and the RCMP risked our lives and rescued you from that awful fate.”

Chicken: “Look Brian, I was the top tough guy, and I was looking forward to some fun after the fight, so what’s your problem?”

Brian: “Don’t you realize how bad this is? We risk our lives to save you chickens and this is the thanks we get?”

Chicken: “Well OK. If you say so. So where do we go from here?”

Brian: “We’re going to kill you.”

Chicken: “Say what? You say you rescued us and now you’re going to kill us?

Brian: “It’s for your own good.”

Chicken: “How do you figure that Brian? We had a great thing going here. We were fed great food, were in great shape, had a few fights and yeah, somebody gets hurt and yeah, a few die, but Brian look at boxing. Don’t they get hurt, and yes, a few of them die too. Why don’t you kill them all too?

We like our life and besides, I was set up with a sweet little Rhode Island Red hen after the fight. What a bummer.”

Brian: “Too bad chicken. I have my duty to perform for the safety of my people. To serve and protect is my motto.”

Chicken: “Well Brian, we chickens really want to thank you and the Mounties and as they are wringing all 72 of our necks, we will say, “Oh well, what a brave bunch to risk their lives to rescue us.”

“And finally in closing, I must say again how brave you looked and I found it strange that a photographer just happened to be there to snap our picture. Just a coincidence I guess. Well, you looked great anyhow on the front page.

“And give my best to the Mounties. They should change their motto from always get their man to always get their chicken. Somehow I thought the chicken patrol was beneath the RCMP. Oh well, thanks so much for rescuing us. And another thing…..”